[ oh gods, oh sweet and merciful gods, he can't be that stupid can he? surely he can't be so stupid as to think he'd get Mydei in trouble for appearing, unannounced, at his almost complete cafe, right? besides what would it matter if he did? he is a man grown, he can spend his time with whoever he wishes. ]
You're an idiot, you know that?
[ Mydei doesn't let go of the other man's wrist, his grip instead grows tighter as he stands there. ]
What I do with my time and who I spend it with are no concern of Gil's.
[One would think Phainon knows well enough that others can make their own choices on who they can be with and where they spend their time— and he does. But after the mess of the party, he's a little bit of walking on eggshells if only because he half-expects the other shoe to drop.
Still, he can't help but pout a little at the other man tightening his grip around his wrist.]
Mydeiiii—
[There's a little whine at this, like a dog being caught trying to be good but also maybe sneak playing with his toy when he should be sleeping. Is he stupid? Sometimes. But in this case... well. He'd rather look like a fool than actually have one of his friends or those he loves be hurt.
(Titans knows how much he hurt them, in his past life.)]
Sampo said he'd be mad, I just don't want to make anything else difficult for you. You've got a cafe to run, you're getting used to living here, you're helping Cyrene with getting used to Kaisou too—
[Phainon is rambling, as he does when he's anxious or worried, but it's a familiar thing Mydei may recall, even if there's no memory attached. He just cares so much for everyone but himself.]
[ it rings familiar, frustratingly familiar, and he can feel half meant angry bubbling up his throat and in his veins. he expected some level of awkwardness what happened at the party, a few tense encounters here and there while they all figured out how to stand on their own two feet again but that isn't what he got. what he got was Phainon running from him, avoiding him, despite how painfully obvious it was he wanted to do anything else.
it's frustrating. it hurts. it makes it hard to focus of things that aren't Phainon. ]
I did not think you a coward, Deliverer. [ his voice holds more venom than he realizes, but still Mydei's grip tightens and forced the other man to remain here. ] Are you so scared of my brother's wrath that you flee from me? From whatever it is that sits between us?
[ because there is something there just out of reach and every time he takes hold of it there is an ache in his chest. the same sort of ache he felt that night at the party, watching as tears streamed down Phainon's cheeks. ]
I grow tired of this back and forth. I grow tired of thinking about you only for you to turn heel before I can even get close.
[Mydei's words, for the first time, seem to cause Phainon to still. Almost as if he's truly only noticing now what's happening between the two of them. How his own actions of wanting to keep the others in the dark are only straining their trust in him, rather than building it. That it will only damage any chance he may ever want of living a normal life with them in it.
.....how can he be so blind—]
I...
[It clicks. It not only clicks, but it hits him in the face like a truck, heart sinking as he realizes how much of a fool he really has been. It's... distressing, in some ways, but Phainon knows that there is one way to fix this— the right way. To give honesty, and own the faults and mistakes he's made up until now.
So he puts a hand to his face and pinches the bridge of his nose, drowning the old noise in his head about keeping them in the dark for their own safety, before he finally says something.]
....no, you're right, Mydei. I am being a coward. ["Whatever relationship we may have, it cannot be one forged on secrets."
Phainon shakes his head, exhales, lets go of the weight he created for himself in all his worries and actually lets himself breathe again.] It's like you've said- I've been an idiot this whole time. Somehow, the idea that I would lose you if I wasn't careful has stuck with me since we met in the library. And... I let that fear make my decisions for me, instead of trusting you. [He pauses, breathes out his nose, then speaks again.] I'm sorry.
[The smile he gives after is a soft one— small, but kind and willing to admit his faults. His eyes flick to Mydei's, and he huffs a little in amusement.]
...can we start over?
[Gently, he puts his free hand over Mydei's grip on his wrist, and offers a warm and familiar look, one that Mydei would know and recognize. The smile of the Deliverer he knows— the man he fell for in every cycle.]
Hi, I'm Phainon. Phainon Kamaris. I was born in Virginia, but— I think the village name of Aedes Elysiae may sound just as familiar to you, too.
[Every single one of his friends reached for him, for Khaslana, through those millions upon millions of cycles, always wanting to help him. It's the same here; and Phainon won't ever run again.]
[ his previous experience has him expecting the worst, bracing himself for Phainon to make some sort of excuse and flee from him again. so it is surprising when he doesn't, when Phainon looks at him with painful realization and instead tells him that he is right.
that surprise writes itself across Mydei's face, across his body language, the marks of frustration disappearing from him in a series of rapid blinks. the fire does not fade, however, but his grip loosens as Phainon talks admitting to his faults and foolish decisions that had lead them to this inevitable collision.
it feels unfair to take his frustrations out on the man now, it feels wrong to be angry at him, at that soft smile that keeps showing up in his dreams. in flashes of memories that are too short to make sense of but feel heavy and important. ]
HKS...
[ the word comes to him instinctually, demanding to be spoken despite Mydei barely understanding what it means and the weight it carries spoken to Phainon of all people. the hand on his, those bright blue eyes, all at once he feels his chest tighten with a feeling he almost fears to give a name. their beginning had been a poor one, had lead to this frustrating stand-still, and now he wants to begin again? ]
Phainon of Aedes Elysiae. [ then Mydei will give him want he wants because it is something he wants as well. he wants to latch onto the thread that binds them and pull it in, understand why he finds himself so tightly bound, why so much of his memories feature him, why─ Mydei exhales as he shifts closer, gently placing his free hand against the man's cheek. ] My name is Mydeimos. I was born in Sparta, Greece to Gorgo Alexandros but my heart whispers of the mighty Castrum Kremnos.
[This, for the first time, isn't something he fears talking about. He's comfortable with being honest, with telling the other exactly how things were. That to rely on him and trust him takes off such a weight that he didn't even realize he'd been wearing it in the first place. He'd laugh if the scenario were a bit less caused by his hand, but better late than never, right?
Of course, Mydei's instinctual scolding of HKS just makes Phainon grin wider, because it's familiar. It's a warm feeling, something he was berated with time and time again for being himself and the Kremnoan not knowing what to do with him half the time. It was a constant that he grew to enjoy the more he heard it, if only because it brought a sense of normalcy compared to the burdens the two of them bore upon their shoulders.
At the reintroduction though, Phainon blinks when Mydei puts his free hand on his face, feeling his heart practically leap into his throat at the touch. He swallows, finding a bit of laughter escape him, desperately wanting the other to realize just how intertwined they really are.
How much he still loves him, even after 33 million instances and a whole new life later.]
I hope my haunting hasn't been too awkward. [Dork. He does nod, though, his hand on Mydei's squeezing just a little.] We did spend a lot of time around each other, once you came to Okhema with your people. Even before you and I were on the Flame Chase, we interacted plenty. A lot of the time it was either in sparring or being somewhere to just talk with each other.
[Maybe this may help Mydei start to get an idea of how things were, once upon a time.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ oh gods, oh sweet and merciful gods, he can't be that stupid can he? surely he can't be so stupid as to think he'd get Mydei in trouble for appearing, unannounced, at his almost complete cafe, right? besides what would it matter if he did? he is a man grown, he can spend his time with whoever he wishes. ]
You're an idiot, you know that?
[ Mydei doesn't let go of the other man's wrist, his grip instead grows tighter as he stands there. ]
What I do with my time and who I spend it with are no concern of Gil's.
no subject
Still, he can't help but pout a little at the other man tightening his grip around his wrist.]
Mydeiiii—
[There's a little whine at this, like a dog being caught trying to be good but also maybe sneak playing with his toy when he should be sleeping. Is he stupid? Sometimes. But in this case... well. He'd rather look like a fool than actually have one of his friends or those he loves be hurt.
(Titans knows how much he hurt them, in his past life.)]
Sampo said he'd be mad, I just don't want to make anything else difficult for you. You've got a cafe to run, you're getting used to living here, you're helping Cyrene with getting used to Kaisou too—
[Phainon is rambling, as he does when he's anxious or worried, but it's a familiar thing Mydei may recall, even if there's no memory attached. He just cares so much for everyone but himself.]
no subject
it's frustrating. it hurts. it makes it hard to focus of things that aren't Phainon. ]
I did not think you a coward, Deliverer. [ his voice holds more venom than he realizes, but still Mydei's grip tightens and forced the other man to remain here. ] Are you so scared of my brother's wrath that you flee from me? From whatever it is that sits between us?
[ because there is something there just out of reach and every time he takes hold of it there is an ache in his chest. the same sort of ache he felt that night at the party, watching as tears streamed down Phainon's cheeks. ]
I grow tired of this back and forth. I grow tired of thinking about you only for you to turn heel before I can even get close.
no subject
.....how can he be so blind—]
I...
[It clicks. It not only clicks, but it hits him in the face like a truck, heart sinking as he realizes how much of a fool he really has been. It's... distressing, in some ways, but Phainon knows that there is one way to fix this— the right way. To give honesty, and own the faults and mistakes he's made up until now.
So he puts a hand to his face and pinches the bridge of his nose, drowning the old noise in his head about keeping them in the dark for their own safety, before he finally says something.]
....no, you're right, Mydei. I am being a coward. ["Whatever relationship we may have, it cannot be one forged on secrets."
Phainon shakes his head, exhales, lets go of the weight he created for himself in all his worries and actually lets himself breathe again.] It's like you've said- I've been an idiot this whole time. Somehow, the idea that I would lose you if I wasn't careful has stuck with me since we met in the library. And... I let that fear make my decisions for me, instead of trusting you. [He pauses, breathes out his nose, then speaks again.] I'm sorry.
[The smile he gives after is a soft one— small, but kind and willing to admit his faults. His eyes flick to Mydei's, and he huffs a little in amusement.]
...can we start over?
[Gently, he puts his free hand over Mydei's grip on his wrist, and offers a warm and familiar look, one that Mydei would know and recognize. The smile of the Deliverer he knows— the man he fell for in every cycle.]
Hi, I'm Phainon. Phainon Kamaris. I was born in Virginia, but— I think the village name of Aedes Elysiae may sound just as familiar to you, too.
[Every single one of his friends reached for him, for Khaslana, through those millions upon millions of cycles, always wanting to help him. It's the same here; and Phainon won't ever run again.]
no subject
that surprise writes itself across Mydei's face, across his body language, the marks of frustration disappearing from him in a series of rapid blinks. the fire does not fade, however, but his grip loosens as Phainon talks admitting to his faults and foolish decisions that had lead them to this inevitable collision.
it feels unfair to take his frustrations out on the man now, it feels wrong to be angry at him, at that soft smile that keeps showing up in his dreams. in flashes of memories that are too short to make sense of but feel heavy and important. ]
HKS...
[ the word comes to him instinctually, demanding to be spoken despite Mydei barely understanding what it means and the weight it carries spoken to Phainon of all people. the hand on his, those bright blue eyes, all at once he feels his chest tighten with a feeling he almost fears to give a name. their beginning had been a poor one, had lead to this frustrating stand-still, and now he wants to begin again? ]
Phainon of Aedes Elysiae. [ then Mydei will give him want he wants because it is something he wants as well. he wants to latch onto the thread that binds them and pull it in, understand why he finds himself so tightly bound, why so much of his memories feature him, why─ Mydei exhales as he shifts closer, gently placing his free hand against the man's cheek. ] My name is Mydeimos. I was born in Sparta, Greece to Gorgo Alexandros but my heart whispers of the mighty Castrum Kremnos.
And you haunt my every step.
no subject
Of course, Mydei's instinctual scolding of HKS just makes Phainon grin wider, because it's familiar. It's a warm feeling, something he was berated with time and time again for being himself and the Kremnoan not knowing what to do with him half the time. It was a constant that he grew to enjoy the more he heard it, if only because it brought a sense of normalcy compared to the burdens the two of them bore upon their shoulders.
At the reintroduction though, Phainon blinks when Mydei puts his free hand on his face, feeling his heart practically leap into his throat at the touch. He swallows, finding a bit of laughter escape him, desperately wanting the other to realize just how intertwined they really are.
How much he still loves him, even after 33 million instances and a whole new life later.]
I hope my haunting hasn't been too awkward. [Dork. He does nod, though, his hand on Mydei's squeezing just a little.] We did spend a lot of time around each other, once you came to Okhema with your people. Even before you and I were on the Flame Chase, we interacted plenty. A lot of the time it was either in sparring or being somewhere to just talk with each other.
[Maybe this may help Mydei start to get an idea of how things were, once upon a time.]